Reasons

In my sophomore year of high school, I ran for the regional executive board of the youth group I was involved in. Since eighth grade, I had attended every event, often traveling over an hour on my own. Mostly a loner within my high school, USY comprised 95% of my social life. I had been planning this campaign for over a year, along with my following campaign for presidency of the organization. I made posters, wrote a speech, and handed out plastic harmonicas that said "remember that your vote is key, vote Gabrielle for SA/TO VP" (I've always been a sucker for the wordplay). It was the big day. I gave my speech with as much confidence as 15-year-old me could muster - which, in retrospect, was likely far too much or not nearly enough.

And...I lost.

The election, much like most others, was a popularity contest, and popularity has never been a currency I trade in. I was crushed. Devastated. I considered calling my mom and asking her to pick me up from the convention early. I wrote a sad poem (I think I still have it. You're not reading it.).

Fast forward a few months. SADD, an organization I was also highly involved in, was organizing a first-ever Massachusetts Student Advisory Board. My SADD adviser had basically written me the recommendation before I even approached her with interest. I made it in; I was one of 10-15 high school students from across the state picked to serve.

And you know what? It was, to date, one of the best experiences of my life. I remained involved in USY for the remainder of my high school career (and even beyond, as staff). I still loved USY with all my heart and spent an inordinate amount of bandwidth on it. But I also had the time for this completely new project. Senior year, I helped plan the national SADD conference. I organized and ran leadership workshops. I got the chance to learn and grow in ways I hadn't even known existed. I met Steven Tyler as his limo pulled up at a hotel we were preparing. There's no way I would have had the time or energy for these new experiences if I had actually won my election. Oddly, the thing I had wanted so badly would likely have kept me more within my comfort zone.

I think about this a lot when things don't go my way. If I hadn't gotten laid off, I wouldn't have been able to spend the summer learning about the solar industry and climbing on roofs all over the state. If I hadn't been dumped at a certain time in a particularly devastating way, I wouldn't have met my next partner and embarked on an adventure greater than I knew possible.

If, if, if. In reality, I can't say for sure that any one of these things lead to the others. I can't say that the option I was deprived of wouldn't have been better in the end. I really don't know that. And I'm definitely not of the mind that "everything happens for a reason". However, sometimes I need to believe in Reasons. Sometimes I need to believe in new opportunities rising from ashes. I'm not a particularly optimistic person - I often assume things are going to go catastrophically wrong for me. But it gives me a warmth in the innards of my lizard-brain to think that maybe, just maybe, there are surprises ahead yet.

Stock photo Gabby says "expectations are useless!"